Everyone loves scary stories. From telling ghost stories under a blanket as a child, to watching thrillers at the movies as a teenager and evolving to political headlines as an adult…there seems to be a natural allure of a good scare. And after working in personal finance for thirty years, I see nothing tends to bring more fear to adults than talking about money.
If you don’t have enough income to pay your bills, finances can be scary.
If you aren’t on track to hitting your savings goals, finances can be scary.
If you have accumulated a retirement nest egg in the stock market, finances can be scary.
If you have lived a long life with plenty of money but face long term care needs, finances can be scary.
So, if what I am saying is true…then no matter how much money you have (or don’t have) finances can be scary! Yep, I know people with next to nothing in their bank accounts that live in financial fear. Yep, I know people with millions spread across multiple investment opportunities that also live in financial fear. I’m not here to say this isn’t true, I’m just here to say this isn’t about money. It’s about mindset.
One of the greatest fears I encounter as a Financial Planner is the fear of losing money. This fear can be so great that it can cripple the strongest of people into making emotional decisions about their finances rather than logical ones. I understand that fear is a basic human emotion, it can take over as instincts to protect you from danger, perceived or real. It’s hard to go against instincts, but what we can do it talk about danger….specifically the perceived kind. Like running out of money.
Let’s take a deep dive into one of these stories: the fear of not having enough money. This can happen to literally anyone, from the family of four living on $1500/month of assistance to the family of three living on $15,000/month of earned income – the numbers are very different, but the fear can feel the same. Fear stems from the uncertainty of how your life will be in the future. Now, these can be very different outcomes: the first family is in danger of keeping the electricity on and food on the table whereas the second family is in danger of keeping the second home and annual family vacation, but that’s my point. You may look at these two situations and find it absurd. But I have spent time with both families, and I’m here to tell you that the stress felt is the same. The increase heartrate when thinking about finances. The desire to completely ignore the bill when it comes in the mailbox (or knocks at your door). Withdrawing from friends and family. The shame of not being able to provide enough. Thoughts can go to a very dark and scary place. You may think the first family is living close to the edge, but the second family is too. Their edge looks different, but it’s just as scary to them.
There is no amount of money that can buy your way out of living in fear. As the pile grows, the fear of losing it can become just as scary as the fear of not having enough. Almost worse depending on the situation. I have hade conversations with people who feel that living life in their present financial situation was just not worth it anymore, and when you have a pile of money and financial anxiety in your life is pushing you to think that ending it is the only solution….I am here to tell you that in reality, this scenario is much more frightful than I could ever imagine on TV.
Have I scared you yet?
Can there be a happy ending to this scary story? Is there a way to help families living in poverty move up the financial ladder to a place where they will feel more secure? Is there a way to help families living in great wealth get to a place where they will feel more secure about their future? These aren’t the right questions to be asking in my opinion, I want to know how to help both families have a greater understanding of their current financial situation and where to find hope that their situation can improve. You see, after all these years of talking about a very scary topic with people from all walks of life…I feel that money isn’t the answer. Hope is.
On the flip side of my above scenarios, I have worked with families with very limited means and great wealth who are very happy with their lives. Eyes wide open to their finances, they understand the restrictions (and bounty) of their financial life. They do not live in fear, but rather in gratitude. The first family is grateful their kids are home safe to share in a simple meal of watered-down soup and cold-cut sandwiches. The second family is grateful their kids have a cottage to enjoy nature and unplug from the fast-paced world of technology. The difference between them are a few commas of net worth, but the bond they share is a mindset of gratitude for what they have, not fear of losing it.
The way you think about the situation can lead to progress towards helping yourself into a less scary situation, no matter what scary means to you. And if you are too deep in the rabbit hole to change your mindset, ask for help. And if you are too deep in the rabbit hole to ask for help, speak up that you are scared. And if you are too deep in the rabbit hole to speak up that you are scared, don’t turn away goodwill. And if you are too deep in the rabbit hole to accept goodwill, then decide to try tomorrow. And if you are too deep in the rabbit hole to decide to try tomorrow, then close your eyes and just think about it. There is no step too small to start your journey out of the rabbit hole of financial fear. When you open your eyes, I will be there…and we will climb out together.
Kimberly Enders CFP® CWS® CERTIFIED FINANCIAL PLANNER™
Enders Wealth Management
37800 Van Dyke Ave, Suite 125
Sterling Heights MI 48312
www.enderswm.com
#kimenderscfp
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